


Ringing Of My Heart

by kinneyb



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 11:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4477724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinneyb/pseuds/kinneyb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgan gets hurt protecting Reid, and Reid realizes he might like him as more than a friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ringing Of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I did a bit of a different style but I hope you guys still like it!

Reid is trembling. He can feel JJ lingering near him, and he can tell she was  debating reaching out for him but she doesn’t.

The others are all staring at him, quiet and unsure of what to do.

He licks his lips, a nervous habit, and glances down at his hands, wringing them. Blood is still smudged across his palms - crimson red against white.

His stomach lurches and he closes his eyes. The negative thoughts are there in the back of his mind, dancing and jumping. It’s almost impossible but he struggles to keep them away.

“Spence,” JJ’s voice is soft, and she finally grabs his shoulder.

Glancing up, she lets out a tiny gasp at how horrible Reid looks despite trying to hide it. Reid can only imagine how he looks right now. “I’m - ” his voice breaks. “I just can’t lose him.”

Her smile is forced, fake, but she’s trying. “I know,” she squeezes his shoulder, “I know.”

She pulls her hand away and sits down next to him, unable to keep her eyes off him. Reid leans back, burying himself into the cushioned chair. Slowly he thinks back to how this had all started.

—

Reid had learned that wandering off when stalking an UNSUB is never a good idea. Or at least he _should_ have.

He circles the building, his gun lifted, and waits for Morgan. A distant rustling catches his attention and he quickly turns, searching for the source.

Reid glances behind him, still waiting for the agent to appear after him. Morgan isn’t anywhere in sight. Chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip, Reid focuses back on the bushes.

His finger drums against the trigger, and finally he decides he can’t wait any longer.

Slowly Reid advances forward, his gun aimed directly at the bushes. Leaves are loud under his shoes, crunching. He knows he doesn’t have the element of surprise, he just has to be faster than the UNSUB if he wants to survive.

He stops right in front of the bushes - “come out!” - and pushes his finger tight against the trigger. Nothing, the rustling has stopped. He narrows his eyes. “FBI, come out!”

Silence.

Reid decides maybe he should do a warning shot when -

“Reid, get down!”

Morgan’s voice is heated, loud, and scared. Reid’s heart jumps and he quickly turns around. The UNSUB - Chris Hens - is right there, his gun lifted and aimed at _him_.

He hears more rustling from behind him and Reid glances. A cat emerges from the bushes, tail wrapping around Reid’s leg almost lovingly. It’d been a cat. Never before had Reid felt so stupid.

Slowly Reid turns back, staring at Chris.

“You should’ve stayed away,” he says, voice low.

Reid can tell he’s angry. He runs his finger over the trigger. It’s useless, he knows. Before he could even pull the trigger, Chris would have him. 

“Kill me instead. Let him go,” Morgan says. A plea.

Chris doesn’t even look at him. He pulls the trigger.

There’s a ringing in his ears, loud and overwhelming. Reid reaches up, placing his hands over his ears. The gunshot is echoing in the back of his mind but there’s no pain. He wonders where he got hit.

He doesn’t want to look though.

Slowly Reid opens his eyes, looking over his body. There’s blood but it’s splattered across his chest in a peculiar angle. Reid already feels the horror in his stomach before he looks.

Lifting his head, he sees the fallen agent’s body for a second before he throws his gun up. _Anger_. He’s never felt so much anger before. It’s heating him from the inside out. There’s not an ounce of hesitation in his body as Reid pulls the trigger and Chris falls to the ground.

—

It’s been twenty minutes since Morgan was brought in and Reid is the only person still awake. A part of him is upset that the others can even sleep right now but he knows that’s illogical.

He hears JJ yawning and she sits up slowly, glancing at him.

She’s doing that thing again - that smile that he knows she means to be comforting but it isn’t. It just isn’t and he doesn’t know why. She stands up.

“Spence, I’m going to get you some coffee, okay?”

Reid opens his mouth but she shushes him gently. The smile is still there but it’s not as big as before. “You need it,” she says, and he nods because she’s probably right.

If he’s not going to sleep, coffee would at least be nice.

She disappears down the hallway and he rubs his hands together, warming them up. JJ is a wonderful friend. A talented profiler. She has a beautiful family.

So why didn’t he feel this scared when she was hurt?

Reid glances around, looking over all the agents sitting with him. He loves them all, no doubt, but he’d never felt so scared before - so sick at the thought of losing someone.

He sees Hotch shifting. He sits up, rubs his eyes, and looks at him.

“Reid,” his voice is soft. “Any news?”

His frown answers for him, and Hotch nods. 

“Hotch,” he says, and it seems to shock the agent but he quickly gestures for him to go on. “I’m really scared,” his voice is low, almost inaudible.

“We all are,” Hotch replies quietly.

Reid knows that’s also meant to be comforting but it isn’t. His tongue darts out, dampening his chapped lips. “No, I mean,” Reid hesitates, “I’m _really_ scared.”

He covers his face with his hands, breathing out. “Like I’ve never felt so worried before. My stomach is cramping and I can barely think, and for me - ” Reid moves his hands, staring at Hotch “ - that’s a really big deal, Hotch.”

Hotch nods slowly, listening closely. “Do you know why this might be affecting you so strongly?” 

Reid knows what he’s about to say - because Morgan was technically hurt protecting him - but he’s not feeling this way because of guilt. It’s something entirely different. “I don’t know.”

“Hotch,” JJ says, and Reid looks up. She’s holding two cups of coffee, both steaming. She hands Reid one before glancing at Hotch. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you woke up or I would’ve - ” she gestures at the coffees.

He smiles small. “It’s fine.”

She glances at Reid and sits down. “Is something wrong?” Her face falls and Reid can tell she’s fighting to keep her voice calm. “Did - did the doctor come out?”

“Not yet,” Reid replies automatically.

She sighs, relieved.

“JJ, can I ask you something?” Reid asks suddenly, and JJ notices he’s staring at her. There’s curiosity in his eyes now, curiosity mixed with worry and fear.

She nods. “Anything.”

Reid takes a long time to say anything. He chews on his lips as if he’s thinking,  _considering_. “When Will is hurt,” he starts, searching JJ’s face, “how do you feel?”

JJ blinks, obviously surprised. She clears her throat, glancing at Hotch. He gives the tiniest shrug, and she looks back at Reid. “It’s hard to explain,” she says, placing her cup on the table. “It’s just a feeling of dread, I guess, like the world is ending.”

He nods slowly but he seems to be elsewhere. JJ is almost worried for a second that something is wrong when he’s speaking again. “And how is that different from when you’re worried about a friend?”

She’s even more confused now but she continues. “I - ” she licks her lips. “It’s just different. You feel sad, you feel angry, upset. But it just isn’t the same. It’s… less overwhelming.”

“How do you know?” Reid asks.

JJ is slowly understanding the connection. “You just do.”

Reid looks away, staring down the hallway where Morgan had been taken. His body had been bloody, limp, but the paramedics had yelled that he still had a pulse.

That little sentence had been a glimmer of hope for him.

He clenches his hands so hard his knuckles grow white and he sees JJ talking to Hotch. He doesn’t really care what she’s saying. Not right now. His mind can’t get away from the thought of Morgan on a surgeon table. Struggling, barely holding on.

Reid reaches for his coffee, and that’s when he hears it. Footsteps. He jumps up before JJ or Hotch even has a chance and turns, facing the doctor coming their way. It’s the same doctor from before and he looks just as exhausted as them.

His heart jumps, hoping - praying - for good news.

“You’re… all with Mr. Morgan?”

Hotch clears his throat, standing next to Reid and clasping a hand down on his shoulder. It’s nothing like JJ’s gentle grip from earlier but it’s still meant to be comforting. “We are,” and he flashes his badge - quick and nonthreatening. 

The doctor lifts an eyebrow, curious, before continuing. “Well, I’m glad to inform you Morgan made it through the surgery - ”

Reid doesn’t even realize it’s happening until Hotch is holding him by the waist, keeping him from falling to the ground. His legs had given out underneath him and he was gasping, surprised and relieved all at once. Hotch slowly gets him to a chair.

“Now that isn’t to say there won’t be some complications along the way,” the doctor continues as soon as Reid is situated in a chair. “The bullet barely avoided his heart and he’ll probably need to be kept for surveillance for a week or two just to make sure there's no problems we might've missed."

Hotch nods. “When can we see him?”

The doctor glances at Reid, who’s staring at the ground almost blankly. He clears his throat. “I wouldn’t want to overwhelm him but one or two visitors should be fine.”

Hotch thanks him and he walks away after giving them Morgan’s room number. He walks over to Reid and sits down. “Do you want someone to go with you?”

He does. He really does because he’s scared he’s dreaming and with someone else with him he knows he isn’t. Reid looks up, settling his gaze on JJ. She gets the hint and smiles. “I’ll go with him. Can you get us some food for when we’re done?” she asks, glancing at Hotch. “Spence needs it, we all do.”

With a small smile, Hotch nods.

—

“I’m scared,” Reid mumbles, staring at the door. His hands are sweaty and he feels lightheaded. He wanted so badly for Morgan to be okay but now everything was crashing down on him.

Guilt, _realization that he might like him as more than a friend._

JJ pats his back, her hand lingering there. “Spence, he’ll be so happy to see you and you know it. Don’t let anything hold you back when Derek needs that right now.”

He nods. “Right. Thank you.” Reaching out, Reid grabs the doorknob and slowly turns it. The door opens and the minute it does he’s so happy it's almost unbelievable.

Regardless of his state, laid back in a hospital bed with machines all around him, Morgan still looks like himself. He smiles at the sight of Reid, small and unsure. “Hey, pretty boy.”

Reid chews on his lips, thinking, before he’s throwing himself at Morgan. He’s gentle, of course, but he hugs him nevertheless, burying his face wherever he can that won’t mess with the machines connecting to him.

Morgan chuckles, quiet and slightly pained but he doesn’t let it bother him. “Someone’s excited to see me,” he muttered, running his fingers through the doctor’s hair.

“That would be an understatement,” Reid replies softly.

He stays there in Morgan’s arms for a long time. JJ watches from the door, not wanting to interrupt. Finally Reid pulls away, staring into the other agent’s eyes.

“Derek,” he mumbles, and Morgan looks at him. “Don’t ever do that again.”

Morgan smiles small, ruffling Reid’s hair. “I can’t promise that and you know it.”

“And that’s why you scare me so much,” Reid replies but despite his words he was smiling for the first time since Morgan had been brought in. He runs his hand down Morgan’s neck, resting on his shoulder, squeezing. “I’ll let you get some rest, okay?”

He steps back from the bed and approaches JJ.

JJ glances over his shoulder. “You’re not going to tell him how you feel?”

Reid blinks, eyes widening. “You - you noticed?”

“We all did,” she replies, amusement dripping from her voice. “You don’t have to be a profiler to realize how much you care about him."

He nods, glancing back at Morgan and waving goodbye. Morgan waves back, a smile playing at his lips. It’s so obvious he’s tired though and that's why Reid knows he should wait. “I’ll tell him soon,” he looks back at JJ and smiles. “Because now I know we have tomorrow.”


End file.
